My oh so optomistic self

I really don’t know why I thought that working/doing as much as I do would be a good idea. I mean, minus the fact that I will have saved a decent chunk of change by the end of the summer so the school year will be a bit easier on me financially, I’ve been stretched so thin that I might actually disintegrate into nothingness.

The worst part about the workload is not that I am stretched thin and feel like I might actually snap but rather that I haven’t seen my family in probably 3 weeks now. I feel foolish for not visiting but the little bit of time I have I try to go running or be productive.

I also feel foolish to come here and constantly discuss this topic. By now I should have changed something in my life in order to relieve some of the pressure. I think that the pressure is actually what is validating my existence in my head right now and it’s kind of frightening. I can’t imagine not being this busy. I also don’t know what not being asininely busy feels like. Maybe I’d dislike that more.

I suppose there is not much to change as of now, though. There is three weeks left of research (thank the Lord) and then things (kind of) cool down. I have a crazy 2 weeks once research is done and I WILL be miserable/exhausted/irritable but it calms down soon after. Then I can really focus on studying for the GRE so that the 20th of August won’t be a complete waste of 200 dollars.

Sigh, I guess I’m just exhausted tonight after what feels like such a long weekend. A good night’s sleep will probably help a great deal.

Until the next time,

Whitney.

To the Guy Flying a Confederate Flag in Exeter, New Hampshire

This.

Tuesday, June 16th

So everything lately has been rather chaotic. I work 3 jobs that take up about 60ish hours a week of my time. I feel as though time isn’t actually moving. It’s the same events day in and day out. Oy, I can’t wait for the next 5 and a half weeks to be over.

I’m doing research this summer so I can get a jump start on my thesis for the fall. Overall, it’s been a good idea. I get to work at 8:30 in the morning, set up a reaction, wait, go to lunch, finish up the reaction, wait, and then go back to my room. Not a bad set-up. Plus, since I’m on campus, I spend a lot of time with fellow chemistry majors. It’s a fun time

I still work at Teavana selling tea and merchandise. That’s not a bad set-up either. I work a couple shifts a week and there really isn’t too much to think about when you’re there. It’s turned out to be rather mindless work which is exactly what I needed. I also still work at the Golf Club. I’d like to think I’m pretty good at my job by now. I know I’m a good server so that also makes for a good shift. Plus, I’m only there for one day a week and events so I don’t get a chance to get frustrated.

My boyfriend is still just as good as the last time I posted anything. We’ve been together for over a year now. Time really does start to fly once you grow up. It’s pretty mind-boggling.

So minus the fact that my life is chaos at least it’s organized chaos. I can handle that.

we

I don’t quite understand.

I don’t understand how people can be constantly miserable.

More often than not, the people in my life are just fucking miserable.

It’s so beyond aggravating at this point.

I want to smack myself in the face.

I want to move away.

I’m so sick of Manchester, NH and being home.

That’s that.

It’s actually kind of cool

That when I don’t post anything for a really long time people will still come and look at my stuff.

I’ve just been beyond busy lately – between school, my boyfriend, my best friend and work it’s been rather time consuming.

But I’m more than half way through this semester.

Actually, I have a grand total of 4 weeks left I’m pretty sure.

That’s magical.

So eventually I will be able to dedicate time to wonderful activities such as writing, reading and blogging again.

And that’s magical all in itself.

I’ve been in such an incredible mood

these past couple of days.

Firstly, I have two days off this week. LIKEEE WAAAAAHT? That happens? Ha! Can’t be. But it did. And I am thrilled. I spent yesterday with James. We cuddled up and watched movies on a perfect stormy day. I learned that the Expendables is such a stupid dude movie and The Dark Knight Rises is so great. Along with Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Mmm!

Secondly, I came to the realization that I go back to school is a little over two weeks. Now, most students are probably cringing as I type this but I am SO excited. I love starting classes all over again. It feels as though it is a whole new opportunity to become organized and have a clean slate. I have most of my stuff for my dorm bought and ready to go. Plus, I get to see my best friend. That will be so refreshing! I miss her immensely.

Thirdly, IT’S SHARK WEEK! I LOVE SHARK WEEK. IT’S THE BEST WEEK EVER. I love sharks. I love the ocean. I love marine biology. I love it all. So, needless to say, it’s been on every chance possible. My sister is even watching it now. It’s fantastic and quite amusing.

I also started carrying around my journal with me again. So far, I’ve used it to make lists about linen iron and event preparations for next week. Ha, I’m pathetic. I make myself chuckle. Oh well! Only two more weeks 🙂

xxxxxxxx

Woo, having an evening off to do whatever I want.

But realizing that I would have rather worked.

Not working makes me realize how truly lonely I am right now. All of my friends are a minimum of an hour away. I want to finish school shopping but the idea of going by myself is really lame. I am just really sad today. I wish it was September already. I strongly dislike summer.

It seems as though I go through this every few years. At one moment, I have an abundance of friends. It’s almost difficult to fit everyone into my schedule. Next moment, I have no social life. My social life consists on the people I see at work. Both extremes are really shitty. That’s why I like school. I get my fill of people when I am lonely but then I can see only a select few at all other times.

James just told me that he is going to visit on Wednesday. Now I’m feeling a little bit better. It’s amazing how that works.

It’s been almost two weeks

since I lasted posted anything! *gasp*

In all seriousness, these past two weeks have been a ridiculous roller coaster ride.
Work. Boyfriend. Sanity. Lack of sleep. Aggravating boss(es). Great news. Fun times.
Everything has been chaotic.

So let me think back…

Well for one, I got the loan. So I am leaving my full-time job at the beginning of September so I can be a normal college student for once. I am so beyond excited! I will only have to work one day a week at my local job (8 hours a week) and my school job (7 hours a week). Plus, I’ll have money saved in case of emergency. So I’ll be able to pay my bills and maybe save a little. I’m really not worried regardless. I’m relieved actually.

So now onto work – my boss got fired. Yup. Head chef at the golf club is gone. So that’s nuts. Now I’ve got a bunch of stress from that. I still don’t really know who my boss is from everyone in the building. That’s really nerve racking. Plus, I know I have a sense of authority based on what some people expect from me. Let’s just keep adding on ALLLLLLLL the stress. Oh well. Three more weeks. That’s it. I can do this.

So James moved back home now. Sigh. It sucks. I really hate not seeing him. I’ve gotten so used to seeing him every day and spending nights together. Now he’s an hour away (which isn’t much but in all my craziness of a life it’s still proves challenging). I went to see him on his birthday which really was such a great day. Hopefully I’ll see him this upcoming week. Only two more weeks until he’s back! (ish) Yay!

I’m seriously so exhausted. I’m falling asleep while typing all of this up. I don’t have to work tomorrow so that’s incredible in so many ways. Plus, I’m seeing One Direction tomorrow (please judge me, see how many fucks I give). That makes me SO INCREDIBLY EXCITED THAT I’M RESTLESS. I’VE BEEN WAITING ON SUMMER FOR THIS YAYAYAYAY.

Anywho, I’m gonna go die for 8 hours now. Wake up. Run errands. Then have a really great evening with my best friends and relax for once. Ah, what a novel concept.

xxxxx

“You’re so sassy”

That quote right there is easily my favorite compliment I ever receive.
Ever.
I get that compliment more often than not. It’s kind of incredible.

At first, I used to get aggravated when people called me sassy.
“Well…thanks I guess…not quite sure what you mean by that but hey it’s better than ‘You’re a raging bitch!'” which is another popular comment I receive by others.
Look, I hate to say it, but it’s not my fault all these people are overly sensitive whiny brats who can’t handle the truth. Whoops! #sorrynotsorry

Regardless, I have realized over the past few years that my sassy-ness is actually one of my finer attributes. I always have a comment. I can make people laugh. I have fun. Rarely do I offend others which brings me back to my prior comment about whiny brats.

Mostly, I have realized that I do not care about what other people have to say about my personality. I have friends. I have my family. That’s all I care about.

OHMYGOODNESS COULD IT BE?!

Could I potentially not need to come up with 7 grand for my upcoming year at school?!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Okay, so I have had such an uphill battle with money and financing my education since the very beginning. Freshman year, my grandmother cosigned on a loan for me. YAY. Everything worked out just peachy. Sophomore year? Yeah, not so much. Applied for a loan. Denied. Grandmother applied as a cosigner. Denied. Couldn’t get anything. I had to come up with the money out of pocket which is easier said than done. Three grand is hard to come up with when you’re hardly working because of school because labs get in the way of ever trying to work and it’s honestly a never ending cycle. So yeah. Last year sucked money wise.

Now, I got my tuition statement in the mail. 6,742 dollars are due to the business office by August 1st. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH. Oh man. That’s funny! Oh wait, you’re not kidding? You mean you expect me to come up with almost 7,000 dollars in a month and a half? Well, fuck.

I’m thinking: YAY I’M DOOMED. HORRAY! DROPPING OUT! SO EXCITED!
Or: YAY 70 HOUR WORK WEEKS FOR THE NEXT 6 WEEKS!

So I thought, well both of those options really kind of blow. So hey, why not apply for a loan?! I got denied because of insufficient credit history. Yawn, tell me something I don’t know. Applied for another. Denied again! So I thought, you know what? I’m going to ask my grandmother. So we sat down today and filled everything out. Now I couldn’t believe what it said when we were finished.
“Congratulations! The information provided has been accepted based on preliminary checks. We will be verifying the information provided for accuracy and will be coming in contact via e-mail when a final decision has been made.”
……………………………………..
………………………..

SO SEEING AS ALL OF THE INFORMATION WE PROVIDED WAS ACCURATE I SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET THE LOAN AND NOT HAVE TO COME UP WITH A GROSS AMOUNT OF MONEY IN A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME. I COULD POTENTIALLY HAVE A NORMAL COLLEGE EXPERIENCE FOR ONCE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

So yeah. I’m excited. And praying kind of. I need this so badly. So. Freaking. Badly. Please, someone, let this happen.